Hero Arrested For Going Nuts And Destroying A Salon When He Finds Out How Much His Haircut Cost

STAMFORD, Conn. — A man who was unhappy with his haircut faces criminal charges after police say he became enraged and threw items around a Connecticut salon. Stamford Police Sgt. Kelly Connelly says 47-year-old Alan Becker was angered further when he learned the trim he got Wednesday morning was going to cost him $50. Connelly says Becker kicked a hole in a salon wall, became hostile toward staff and customers, and threw a candle display and other items, then left. Police say Becker returned later and demanded his hair be “fixed,” but the salon refused.

Completely reasonable. I got my haircut at a salon across from Barstool HQ one time and it was handsdown the worst haircut I’ve ever received. There were two stylists in there, zero customers. One stylist was a guy who was like trying to dress gay and fashionable (I assume to trick people into thinking he was both those things and therefore a talented haircutter?), he was going for the jeans/shirt and tie look except the jeans were basically Wranglers and the shirt and tie were from TJ Maxx. It was disgusting. So I went with the other chick stylist. Sit in the chair and she doesn’t even wet my hair, just starts cutting. I asked if she forgot to wet it/give me a head massage with shampoo (best part about a salon) and she said she didn’t forget, this is a technique she learned from a “master barber.” No lie that was the phrase she used. Like she’d studied under this man in Tibet or some shit. Anyway I begin panicking but don’t say anything because hairdressers and waiters are the two most powerful groups of people on earth, and you never criticize them in the middle of their work. So after this lady is done, and my palms have sweated all the liquid out of my body, she holds up the mirror and I look like a damn Chia pet that had just been trimmed with those awesome triangle scissors you used in elementary school. “Yup, good” I say, as I just want to get to my hat as fast as possible. Get to the counter and Fake Gay Man rings me up for 58 bucks. You know why I didn’t start destroying that salon on the spot? Because I’m a pussy, a coward, and half the man Alan Becker is. So I’ve got nothing but appreciation for the man, thank you for sticking up for the little guy, sir.